Two children
Two children were in a doctor’s waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
“Why are you crying?” asked the little boy. “I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger,” said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
“Why are you crying?” asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, “I’m here for a urine test.
Leaking ice
A
person was looking with great attention to a piece of ice gripped firmly in his
hand. Another person walked by and asked him,
“What is it that you look for?”
“I don’t know man. It’s been 20 minutes I’m staring at this piece of ice and
still I haven’t been able to figure out from where is it leaking”
Take the Spoon
The
patient: “Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.”
The doctor says, “Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.”
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Her mother
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.
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Animals ARGUES
A goat and a chicken were walking along the road, playing and discussing their way of live.
Chicken: we are better than the goats; goats don’t have feathers and can’t fly
Goat: we have horn and can fight better than you
Suddenly a car passed and splashed water on them
Chicken: Damn! you see, that’s how they drive like goats
Goat: and that’s how they die like chickens
Aging
A
person felt pain in his right leg and went to the doctor.
“Diagnose me carefully, doctor. I’ve got intense pain in my right leg”
Doctor diagnosed him and told him there was nothing to worry about. This pain
is part of life and is due to aging. “But doctor, how is this even possible? My
both legs were born at the same time and are of same age”
Red light
An inspector was instructing a watchman, “Your patrolling duty is from this intersection to that red light. Spend the night here patrolling and report me in the morning”
That watchman didn’t report the next morning, or even the next day, or even the next whole week. Search operations were held up to find him but eventually he showed up after 10 days, fully messed up.
He explained, “Sir, the red light you showed was back light of a loading truck and it went on to almost 80 km”
Faithfull Wife
Judge yelled at the woman, “You should be ashamed of yourself. You betrayed your husband. You are not faithful at all!”
Woman replied, “Oh no no no, your honor. I haven’t betrayed him at all… He has!
“And how can you say that?” inquired Judge.
“He told me he’ll return home after a week, and returned the same day he left!” Woman explained.
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Keep Your Promise
A
person received a letter that said:
“If you fail to pay us a million dollar within one month we will kidnap your
wife”
He replied, “Dear Sir, it is depressing to say that I can’t fulfill your demand. But I have faith in you and I believe that you WILL certainly keep your promise”
Frog
“Be
attentive class! Today I’m going to show you a frog and will teach you it’s
mechanisms live”
Professor entered the class with this announcement.
“Here let me get it out of my pocket” He then searched his pocket and pulled
out a piece of cake.
“Holy Crap! It’s a cake. Then what was that thing I ate on my way here?”
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My wife and kids
“I am so sorry dear. I’ve tried my best but my family is not allowing me to marry you.” He told her in a sad voice. “Who exactly in your family is against our marriage?” the girl asked. “Well, one wife and four kids which I have!”
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Calculation
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
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Little Mistake
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.
“Have you tried counting sheep?” asks the doctor.
“That’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
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So hysterical
A neighbor finds a young boy sitting on the stairs crying. “What’s the matter, honey?” she asks him.
“It’s my father,” the boy says, sobbing. “He hit his finger with a hammer.”
“Then why are you crying?” she says.
“Because first I laughed!” he answers.
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Boy to Girl
Boy: your teeth are like the stars.
Girl: awww … Thanks, Are they that much pretty?
Boy: No, they are far away from each other.
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Your name
Two devils came in my dreams. They said, “We want to disturb some good person.” I told them your name. They said, “We cannot disturb our boss.”
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Teeth and Tongue
Teeth said 2 Tongue: “If i just press you little hard, you will get cut…Tongue replied: “If I misuse one word against someone, then all the 32 of you
Smart Lawyer
While driving home, lawyer saw three men alongside the pavement eating grass. Shocked, he stopped the car and inquired about their actions.
“Why would you eat grass?”
“We don’t have any single penny to eat something”
The lawyer quickly replied, “then come along with me to home, I would love to feed you”.
All three men got excited. Thank fully they sat into the car. When they got comfortably settled, the happy lawyer said, “you are going to love my home, the grass over there is about two foot high”.
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Super Surprise
A
wife bought a new sim and thought to surprise her husband with her new number.
She went to the kitchen and called her husband. “Hello darling”, she said in
romantic tone.
“Call me later my dear. That ugly statue is in kitchen right now and it’s
possible for her to hear us” said her husband in low whispering voice.
Complain
A
customer was complaining about dirty towels in Hotel’s shower in front of
manager,
“This towel is rubbish and so dirty. I can’t clean my hands with it.”
Manager replied,
“About 200 persons had dried their hands with this towel and no one had any
complain whatsoever.”
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